Where Am I Going?

Does anyone really know?

I can’t imagine being someone who has their entire life mapped out but, I just thought I’d have my shit together at least a little bit by 25.

On paper I’m happy, I have a lovely little home with my partner, with a kitchen that I love, I have a job that pays the bills and that I enjoy, I live 5 mins from my mum and I’m driving distance from the ocean.  All good things that are important to me and meet my needs to sustain a healthy happy lifestyle.

I have vague ideas for the home and life I want to share with my partner one day and, I thought I’d be closer to achieving them by now honestly. The frustrating thing to accept is that I’m probably further away than I’ve ever been from a financial perspective at least.

A year ago I was arguably in a much more stable financial position but, I hated my flat and my job, so the money didn’t mean much to me in the end. Once I’d established I was unhappy that was it. It became obvious to me that it was more important to love what I was doing everyday than to earn a certain amount of money.

I still stand by that mindset and in some respects have never felt so good. Yet I don’t remember the last time I felt this financially stressed either. I’m beginning to wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life and turning 26 this year has really got my brain scrambled.

The realisation that a lot can change within a  year has hit me hard this Summer.  Last year there was a lot of loss and growth in my family and that theme has spilled over into life with my boyfriend. I could list so many things that I wish I could change but, everything is a life lesson and all I can do is hope that 2019 is good to me.

ALL I want is for things to go smoothly. I want to stay and progress in my job. I want my boyfriend to find a job he loves and, I just want to live calmly in my nice flat surrounded by beautiful houseplants. That’s my short term goal I suppose and, to go on holiday next year would be pretty great too.

So, yes, where am I actually going long term?

Well.

I wish I knew. This post would be so much simpler if I had some real direction and clue about what I was doing but, I don’t. I’m beginning to learn that making plans is all well and good on paper but, life doesn’t work that way. Life will put a spanner in the works again and again and it’s up to you to adapt your plan and learn to cope.

However I do know that I want to try my best everyday to be kind to myself and to others, to one day (hopefully) own a home with a fancy garage and big kitchen, to start a family and live amongst nature. If for whatever reason those things don’t happen I’ll be alright though, something better might be right around the corner. It’s not like I can’t change my plans and find something new to feel excited for.

I’m kind of making things up as I go a long with this constant vision of a beautiful house by the beach, where I can call home.

That’s keeping me going right now.

If I reach a point in my life where I don’t have to worry about the amount of money I’m spending on a meal out I’ll be truly happy and feel successful. But, I have no idea if I’ll get there and what career I even want to follow for that to happen.

To be unsure of everything is kind of exciting in some respects but, it’s a sort of nervous energy that I’d rather not feel.

I guess for now, all I can do is tell myself that everything will fall into place. And, despite the challenges I’ve been facing recently with my partner we’ve still managed to have the best Summer in a long long time and I’m so thankful for that.

“A quiet and modest life brings more joy than a pursuit of success bound with constant unrest.” – Albert Einstein

18 thoughts on “Where Am I Going?

    • Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed reading.

      I do think it’s important to have goals and structure but life is full of surprises and it’s not always easy to stick to a realistic plan.

      Kate x

  1. This is a very inspiring post. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am 32, married with 3 kids and I still do not know where I am going. I do have an outline of future goals and where I would like my life to take me, but not an actual plan. Life is full of supprises, that is how we endded up with 3 kids 🙂

    • I’m so glad you agree. Half of me feels like I’m getting older and need to think about settling down and the other half, well, wants to sack everything in and live spontaneously. I’m just trying to take everyday as it comes and adapt.

      Kate x

  2. Your post is absolutely relatable! I myself is lost and I don’t know where I’m going. I’m currently living abroad for work and I’m missing my home and friends. I’m just letting things fall into place ♥️

  3. I’m turning 40 soon and still don’t know where I’m going.
    I am finishing maternity leave soon so it’s raised lots of questions about how important work is, where we want to live, how much money we actually need. I’m sure things will work out for you, and it’s good to try and find a plan

    • I don’t think anyone really ever figures it all out but, as long as you’re happy no matter what age, everything falls into place (I hope). I hope you manage to figure out your post maternity leave plans. I can imagine going back to work after having a beautiful little baby is very daunting.

      Kate x

  4. I don’t know if anyone will ever really know where they’re going. Every time I think I’ve got it figured out, something else pops up that makes me question everything. I think the most important thing is to try to find what makes you happy and to follow that path as best you can. So glad you’ve found some happiness this summer.

    • That’s how I feel. Just as things start coming together something else pops up. Happiness is the real goal though. I don’t care where I live realistically or what I’m doing, as long as me and my loved ones are happy.

      Kate x

  5. The thing about life is that we don’t know what will happen until we get there. Until then, we can plan as much as we can. I had similar feelings when I realized that adulthood is a lot different than I expected… Like one thing’s for sure, I don’t get 100% of my pay rate @__@. Happiness is important. Keep pushing yourself towards happiness! 🙂

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

  6. Thank you for being so honest!

    I don’t really understand why there is so much pressure to have your life sorted by 25 but I can feel this pressure starting to mount on me and I’m still two years away! The pressure is real. To have it all figured out and be sorted for the rest of your life.

    There is simply no harm to not having everything figured out in your twenties. Life’s an adventure!
    It’s better to see what comes and roll with the punches than to map everything out. At least in my opinion.

    • I’m so so pleased that so many people feel similarly to me and have read my post, it really means a lot. It’s a shame we can’t all have it figured out but, I guess that might take some of the fun and adventure out of life.

      For me though, when I see other people reaching 25 or that are younger and have achieved more than me in terms of a family, buying a house, getting married etc and that stresses me out. I want all of those things but, I have no means of achieving any of it right now. I can imagine that’s how lots of people my age feel.

      Life would be boring if it was easy though and I’m having a lot of fun right now (in between very stressful moments) figuring out where to go from here.

      Kate x

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