Spring has sprung and although I’m fully aware that this glorious sunshine could disappear at any moment, I’m definitely trying my absolute best to feel positive because things can literally only get better (fingers crossed).
Due to recent events surrounding my working life, I haven’t really felt the desire to write until this moment. I think when I sat down and addressed my reality I fell into quite a big rut. The adrenaline subsided and I didn’t really want to do anything with my time. I would cry sporadically throughout the day and couldn’t put into words just what was going on in my little head. My boyfriend really was an absolute saint for holding my hand and being so kind when I couldn’t find the energy to look after myself.
I’ve asked myself a lot recently what exactly I want to do with my life and, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have no idea and that it’s completely okay. I don’t have to have my shit together all of the time and I don’t pretend to either.
I’m between ideas at the moment. Half of me wants to study again and the other half is telling me to take it easy, to find a flexible job that brings joys and minimal stress.
Regardless, I’m emerging from my rut now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel etc etc and, I feel better for it. Life isn’t always perfect and I would still find something to complain about if it was. So, instead of continuing to feel sorry for myself, I’ve been trying really damn hard to keep busy. That means, boring chores, food shopping, bubble baths, coastal walks, buying flowers for myself, baking and burning cakes, going on solo brunch dates and catching up with close friends.
I took a mini break from my writing and now I’m refreshed. This year started off with some turbulence but now that the sun is shining I have a much more positive attitude and I look forward to the months ahead. I’m ready to focus on my only goal of 2019 which is to maintain stability in my life and to live calmly once again.